What does it take to create and nurture a healthy relationship?
What does it take to create and nurture a healthy relationship?
That’s a question I get asked by readers almost every day and after many years of coaching singles and couples, I have learned a lot about what it takes to have a great relationship. Today, I want to share 10 things that can help you have a healthy relationship.
1. Live in the Now
A relationship is a journey...Don’t rush the present state of your relationship to get to the happy ending right away...obsessing about a happy ending can cause you to forget to enjoy the journey along the way. Right now is life… don’t miss it! You need to enjoy the company you care to keep, today, while you’re still guaranteed a chance to do so.
2. A Relationship doesn't solve all your problems
Never expect your relationships to solve all your problems. While a healthy relationship can certainly bring joy, but it’s not anyone else’s job to fill in your empty inner space. That’s your do it yourself project...it's yours alone; and until you accept responsibility for your emptiness, pain or boredom you will always blame it on another person.
3. Don’t expect your relationship to be easy
Believe it or not! Every relationship has challenges, but resisting the hard times and seeing them as immediate evidence that something is wrong or that you’re with the wrong person is what becomes a problem in a relationship. Instead of ending a relationship because of a small problem, view the challenges as an opportunity to learn and grow your relationship to the next level. Long-term relationships are amazing, but rarely easy.
4. Don’t let fear overpower their love and trust
You never lose by loving... you lose by holding back. No relationship is impossible until you refuse to give it a chance. Love means giving someone the chance to hurt you, but trusting them not to. Without this trust, a relationship cannot survive. If you are ever going to have someone trust you, you must feel that you can trust them too.
5.Don’t look to others for validation of your identity.
Never wait around for someone else to give you permission to be yourself. You don’t need anyone’s validation to be happy or to live a good life. That’s a state of mind only you can create, and then bring in to the relationship with you.
6. They don’t focus on people’s flaws
Do your best to maintain sincere love in your heart for others. The more you see the good in them, the more good you will uncover in yourself.
7. Don’t give because they want to be paid back.
Do something special for someone you love today. Do it because you can and because it makes the world a happier place. Always give more than you take. When you shift your attitude from “how can I gain” to “how can I give,” you’ll be amazed at the gifts you receive. Truth be told, the most successful people in the most successful relationships are looking for ways to help others. The most unsuccessful people are still asking, “What’s in it for me?”
8. Don't take your relationships for granted
An incredible thing happens when you pay close attention. It’s by participating more in your relationships that you breathe life into them. So make time for those you care about. With our busy schedules we often forget to relax and enjoy the great company we have. In human relationships distance is not measured in miles, but in affection. Two people can be right next to each other, yet miles apart. Sitting next to each other playing video games on your iPads or facbook isn't spending quality time. So don’t ignore someone you care about, because lack of concern hurts more than angry words.
9. Don’t just show up when times are good
Be there through the good, bad, happy, and sad times… no matter what. Be willing to provide a listening ear, a hug, and emotional support in all circumstances. In a healthy relationship, both people can trust that they can count on each other, and are willing to be available not only when it’s convenient, but when they need each other the most
10. Don’t try to constantly “fix” the people you care about
The art of caring for another is rooted in love and respect. It means listening to them wholeheartedly and letting them know by your complete presence that they are seen and valued. It’s not a space where you try to fix the other person...HA! akachimona I will fix him/her really? Don't! Not worth it...
Conclusion
Decide this minute to never again beg anyone for the love, respect, and attention that you should be showing yourself.
Today, look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I love you, and from now on I’m going to act like it.” It’s important to be nice to others, but it’s even more important to be nice to yourself. When you practice self-love and self-respect, you give yourself the opportunity to be happy. When you are happy, you become a better friend, a better family member, and a better YOU.
