Facebook Love

Dear Kay,

I met a man face book, and we have had a great emotional and intellectual connection. We talked online for hours on Skype, we have shared pictures and developed a very strong physical attraction and not too long ago we started talking over the phone daily...

 

Things were moving very fast and intense...we jumped into a committed relationship, shared very personal and intimate information, made very committed statements and plans--and then he suddenly stopped communicating. For weeks I couldn't get hold of him. I would call: no answer. I would leave messages...no returned phone calls. So I tried his email: still no answer to my emails. So I gave up, wrote him an email that stated I wasn't sure what was going on and begged him to give me an explanation and wished him well in all aspects of life.

 

Then a few weeks later, he responded and said that he was sorry for the way he acted...and had no proper excuse. He said he feels trapped and scared because he was losing control over his emotions and he has always been in control of his emotions. He hoped I could find it in my heart to forgive him and continue being friends.

But my question is, what does he really want? I forgave him and he still hasn't contacted me. I really miss him. I especially miss the conversations we had. I really want this to continue...I feel he is not giving me a clear cut of what he really wants or maybe I don't want to accept it's over! Please help I can't get over him.

Kitwe Girl.

 

Dear Kitwe Girl,

I think it's pretty clear that he wants out! And you are right...you are refusing to accept it's over. In fact, I don't think he wants a real relationship with you. I think he wants a hot and heavy email/Skype relationship...I don't this man wants to show up in person. I am guessing he is even married who thinks an online relationship is not cheating. Please cut yourself loose from this internet affair. Forget about the sparks and chemistry...focus on moving forward if you are looking for a serious relationship. But all means mourn for what has been lost and move on with your life and goals. It's not healthy for you to put your life on hold waiting for an internet guy to make up his man. Let him go and consider this chapter closed.

Listen hun, go ahead and make some plans for next weekend to hang out with your girl friends...don't put your life on hold for any man. Life is too short! Get busy.

Take care,

Kay

 

 

Boy friend still Owes me a Christmas Gift from last year

Dear Kay,

My boyfriend lives in the USA...he  still owes me a Christmas present..he says he bought the present he just needs to go and pick it up, but it's been a while. He is on house arrest right now, so I understand that he can't go out, but actually, a friend who lives in the states has seen him out several times. He could have at least gotten me a little something, right?

Waiting for my present

 

Dear waiting for present,

Modern technology has brought us many ways to shop without ever leaving the house. So this allows boyfriends under house arrest to shop online without ever getting in trouble with the law. Honestly, I think this guy doesn't owe you anything material...he owes an explanation of why he is under house arrest. With that said, I recommend you find someone who doesn't have a criminal record longer than a shopping list.

Take care,

Kay  

 

 

My BF has Disappeared on me

Dear Kay,

I met this amazing guy four months ago. We are from two different cities, so we just email back and forth each other. He came across very nice, sincere, sensitive, and sweet. I have never met a man like him before. So about three weeks ago, he decided to drive down to Ndola to see me. We were so connected and it was out of this world. We both fell in love. But after he went back something strange happened, he left a beautiful voicemail for me and that was it! I never heard back from him. Kay, does it mean that he took an easy way out? Why didn't he just call or email to "break up" with me?

BF missing in action

 

Dear BF missing in action,

 

Men confuse me. Let me start by saying that there are just some men in life that appear to drop from the face of the earth a few days after you have a fabulously amazing time together. Do they develop amnesia? Get hit by a train? Get snatched by aliens or multilevel marketers for medical experienments and routine brain washing? Who knows? Don't beat yourself up about it...it happens.

 

In your case, however, something seems strange. It's possible that sudden stop in communication could be that he is married and suddenly feels guilt about cheating on his wife.

As for why he hasn't called to break up with you...the reason is simple. Any break-up is bound to be an  uncomfortable situation, and many men will try to avoid it by all means.

Hun, I believe the best thing to do for now is to move forward...

Thanks,

Kay

 

Married and Dating

Dear Kay,

I am happily married and don't intend on leaving my husband because I need financial security I get from him. So I am dating other men on the side. But I don't let things get too physical...just a kissing here and there you know. Somehow this makes me feel less like I am cheating and more like I am just feeling an empty void. I don't love my husband and I don't think he loves me, so what wrong with a little harmless flirting? Am I really doing something wrong?

Cheating wife..

 

Dear cheating wife,

Are you doing something wrong? Of course! You are doing something terribly bad.  There is nothing innocent about kissing other men when you are married. Please come clean with your husband. Tell him what's missing and ask him to come up with a solution. 

Take care

Kay

 

 

I think I am sexually harassed/abused by my husband

Dear Kay,

I think my husband is sexually abusing me, he like to talk dirty to me and sometimes he grabs at my breasts. I have repeatedly asked him to stop, but he doesn’t listen and continues to do it. We have two small kids at home, and by the time they go to bed, I could care less about being intimate.

His behavior disgusts me, and to be honest, I don’t want to have sex with him. I have told him that I have female problems but he won't listen and it makes no difference to him. He touches me in front of the kids, and I have to slap his hand away.

I can’t leave him because I am totally dependent on him, nor do I have family or friends close by. I can’t go to his family because they see him in a different light. What would you suggest, and is it harassment...do you think I should press charges?

Sexually abused wife.

 

Dear Abused wife,

You have mentioned so many problems in your short letter that it’s hard to know where to begin. While your husband’s attempts at foreplay are beyond clumsy and ineffective, I can’t help but feel some sympathy for him because it appears you have him on a starvation diet.

 

Instead of you pressing charges of harassment, go ahead and schedule an appointment with your gynecologist and find out WHY you are having female problems. You should also try marriage counseling it might also help, because it’s clear you and your husband aren’t communicating on any meaningful level.

 Lastly, unwanted sexual advances could be considered harassment, and sex without consent is rape.

Thanks,

Kay

 

 

Afraid to Lose a Lawyer Boy Friend

Dear Kay,

I met a guy who is really nice, but my girlfriends say I am too eager for my own good. My boy friend lives on the Copper belt, so every time he calls I return his calls immediately. I call and text throughout the day. I talk to him a lot and it looks like I am making his career the center of my life.. Am I too eager? Or I am I just afraid of letting another good catch slip away.

Good catch

 

Dear good catch,

Are you too eager? Yes. Why has his profession become the center of your life? Don't worry about letting this good catch slip through your fingers...if you keep this up you will drive him away. I am assuming you don't read my face books post...because if you did, you would know that lawyer, doctor(or any other profession) worshipping is strictly prohibited. I am sure you are an amazing woman, but let me clear a few things for you. In any relationship, both people need to have their own lives. It never works if one person has a life, and the other person think they will just live off the other person. You need your own friends, your own hobbies, and your own fabulous job.

 

True, you may have found a good catch, but how about putting a little energy you are using on your new catch to better use? Spend a little time figuring out who you want to be and how you can be as impressed with your own accomplishments as you are with his.    

Take care,

Kay

 

 

In a Gay relationship and My parents want to pay me to go away

Dear Kay,

I am 26 years old and I have an exciting career, many friends, hobbies, and lots of other really cool stuff. I am happier than ever, but at the same time I feel so lost and depressed. I really don't know what to do or how to handle the situation I am in with my parents.  I recently told my parents that I am gay but my parents don't want anything to do with me because of their religion. My mom says she can't keep my bad spirit in her life and my sister doesn't even want me around her children saying that she doesn't want to expose her kids to gayness. Now, everyone is blaming me for breaking up the entire family. My parents have even stopped including me in any family events and now they want to pay me to go away. I think it's unfair that everyone is treating me like a criminal. They want me to quit my job and move back abroad. How do I convince my parents that I was born this way? Please help me before they send me away.

Yours, Born Gay

 

Dear Born Gay,

Oh yes! Paying you to go away sounds like an easy way out! But it's not. Paying you to go away isn't going to solve this problem. Seriously. If  you really want to mend your relationship with your parents... you need to use the money they want to pay  you to go away and buy yourself a Bible.  Highlight Lev 18:22  read until you can recite it in your sleep. Paying you to go and live abroad isn't going to change what the bible says. Homosexuality is an abomination. It is a sin.

So: Let's quit lying that you were born gay...you are simply living in sin, but the good news is, you can repent before it is too late and the bad news is, no one has the power to change what is written in the HOLY scriptures for you to continue living your "gay lifestyle" not even abroad. You have an exciting career, friends and hobbies. So now give yourself some undivided time with God and get your spiritual life in order.

Thanks,

Kay

 

 

Guys are Disappearing

Dear Kay,

I think I must be dating the wrong way because I have been dating very cute handsome and tall guys, but at the same time I have been getting dumped a lot. I usually don't like to get ahead of the guy, but by the time I try to get serious the guys I date tell me that they have already moved forward with another girl. Is there any advise you can give me?

Confused cute gal

 

Dear confused cute girl,

 

It's hard to tell if the guys are been scooped by other women or you are just dating the wrong guys. If you are like most women filtering guys by height or looks I am sorry you might be single for a longtime. There are a lot of nice charming, and yes, short guys are out there. Sometimes, tall and handsome can be deceiving...marriage comes in all packages. There a lot of untapped great men out there, short, slim etc...so be the first one to get one, you might stop being dumped. We have all heard the saying that you can't judge the book by its cover, husbands do not only come in tall guys and handsome men or accountants...sometimes your husband maybe in a man wearing socks with sandals. So next time you met a guy don't be too quick to judge and end up missing out on a good person because in order to have a lasting relationship with someone you have to get a person past what you see on the outside. Hope this helps.

 

Take care,

Kay

 

 

Future Priest but kinda sort in love with a woman

 

Dear Kay,

I am a single guy in my late twenties. I have been seeing this girl for several years and I love her very much. We always have a good time when we are together and I think we are a perfect couple. But! I have not told her the whole about my future plans of becoming a priest. I don't want to disappoint God and I am not changing my mind about becoming a priest but I am also love my girlfriend and I don't know what to do. What should I do?

Future Priest

 

Dear Future Priest,

Listen, if still want to be a priest in the near future-I think it's time for you to come clean with your girlfriend and tell her nothing but the truth. (Hint: Priest=No Wife)

Take care,

Kay

 

Dating a male Gold Digger

Dear Kay,

I am very educated, attractive and fun to be with, in my forties.  I have always been content with my single life and myself, never thought I needed a man. But three months ago, I met an intelligent, sexy and classy guy who seemed almost perfect for me and we got into each other so fast. But the  problem is every time we go out, I have to take care of the bills. I also have to help him with his rent money and other things. He is taking advantage of me because I have a very good job and he knows that I make a lot of money, so whenever I don't give him the money he punishes me by not spending time with me and he also stops calling me for days. I really like him but I am beginning to think this relationship is not about me, but my money. Kay, I really love him and I want to make this work but at the same time I don't want to be with someone who just wants me just for my money. How do can I make this relationship work without feeling used? Please help!

Feeling Used.

 

Dear Used,

They say actions speak louder than words. Here's what's happening. Your boyfriend is telling you by his actions that he is just using you. You have to make it clear to him that you are looking for love and not a business partner/financial planner. People can only use us if we allow them and I think it's time for you to take serious action especially if you are looking for a lasting relationship. Please next time you have a date don't lead with your money or management skills. Instead, use your smile or personality to attract your date. Let him genuinely fall in love with you because he really likes you and not because he is expecting you to hire him or pay his rent.

 

I always tell the wealthy or executive women that I coach, never to discuss money on dates because the moment you start discussing money or your big titles the relationship moves into a business mode. If you really want a real relationship, never lead with money-it's better for someone to regret you than for being you than to be in a relationship to be used. I know you love him and whether your classy guy is sexy please do what is right for you. You will be fine.

 

Take care,

Kay 

 

 I am not so Beautiful I think...

 

Dear Kay,

I consider myself not beautiful. I am a little bit on the heavy side, so I wouldn't really call myself beautiful. But I am so smart, independent, kind and also a very caring person. I know men are visual creatures and I am sure I don't stand a chance of finding love because of the way I look, unless they get to know me. What do you think?

Not so beautiful

 

Dear Not so Beautiful,

 

You are right, men are visual creatures but beauty comes in all forms and shapes. You may feel like you are unattractive--but you maybe one of those elegant women who doesn't even know it. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder...just because someone doesn't like vanilla ice doesn't mean there is something wrong with the chocolate flavor.  I think it's time for you to submit to Christ for a new name...Beautiful Psalm 139:14

Thanks,

Kay

 

My Wife is Jealous of my late wife

Dear Kay

I remarried a year ago after being widowed for seven years. I am married to a wonderful woman, never married before and no child. She is a very good step mother to my 5 year old child. I must say that I am a very lucky man, my wife is a great friend, very mature and caring too. But! The only problem I have is that my wife is jealous of my late wife and lately me and my wife have been fighting about several things,  late wife's pictures that I have kept for my daughter which I intend to give her as soon as she is old enough to keep them herself, a short memorial message and a letter that I posted on my Face book. She say I need time from her to recover and wants out of the marriage. What can I stop my wife from being jealous of my late wife?

Worried Husband

 

Dear Worried Husband,

First of all, I am really sorry about your loss. Wow, I think your wife is being unreasonable. Why would she be upset about a picture and a memorial message? You and your late wife have a child together. There is no reason for her to be threatened by a dead person.  Death is not like divorce, so I don't any reason why she would be so mad over some pictures of your wife that you are keeping for your child. Unless you have a 34x34 picture in the living room with your late wife starring at her every time she steps in the house. I think she should be patient with you and  help you honor your late wife regardless of whether or not you had a great relationship. Take her out to dinner and talk to her in a non confrontational way and make her understand that she is not competing with your late wife.

 

I also think it was very nice of you to post a memorial message and a letter on your Face book page. It is very therapeutic to write down feelings of loss, it helps to express those emotions for sure, but please next time don't post the letter on face book unless it's a short memorial message which should probably be written on behalf of your daughter-If  you really want to write yours, do yourself a favor and just write it in your heart just for the sake of peace in your home. I see no point in fighting over a dead person because your wife isn't coming back anytime soon... I hope this helps.

 

Take care,

Kay

 

 

Cheating Husband, No longer Finds Wife Attractive.

I am old enough to be your father, but Kay I have no one to talk to about my issue and it's time for me to get this off my chest. I am a 59 year man married with 5 kids and I am cheating on my wife with a young beautiful 28. My wife has no idea that I am cheating on her. I love her deeply and care about my wife, but I just don't find her attractive anymore. Sometimes, I can't help but picture imagine myself and my girl  getting married. I have even thought about divorcing my wife many times. The problem is, I can't find any good reasons to divorce her and I can't imagine hurting her. She has been very nice to me and a wonderful mother to our children. Kay, I am torn apart, I don't know which direction to take. I love my wife and but at the same time I also have genuine feelings for my beautiful 28 and she is also madly in love with me. I recently bought her a beautiful house and a car because I envision us living together in the near future. Kay, is it possible for a man to love two women at the same time?

Young at heart.

 

Dear Mr. Young at heart,

Yes! It is very possible and these two women are your mother and your wife. But in your situation, my answer is no...you may be enjoying having two women now, but when as soon as your wife finds out you will be down to one or none. Sir, you need to look at the bigger picture here...I know you are madly in love with your beautiful 28, but she is a wrong investment. There many kinds of investments and each one comes with different risks, losses and returns. And investing in your beautiful 28 is a very high risk investment with zero returns. You mentioned that you have 5 children, do your kids have enough college funds? Please sir, you may not be attracted to your wife but think about the future of those 5 children. Do you really think it was a wise decision for you to buy your beautiful 28 a car and a house? I personally think you should have written to me before you made those purchases. Proverbs 5:32 would be a good place to start. Let go of your beautiful 28 and work things with your beautiful wife. If you married her then you should still find her attractive.

Thanks,

Kay